Offended & Changing the World One Mindful Conversation at a Time.

Sooo... I was in the gym change room this morning and walked into a conversation happening beside my locker about black hair looking like brillo pads followed by laughter and suggestions on how to make it look "better". Can you guess what happened next?

The three senior women, yes, I said senior, were on either side of my locker. Normally, when conversations like this happen with people of older generations, I let it go. They come from a different era and are set in their ways, so why should I engage in a dialogue with them about race?  But this time was different. The problem is it's stereotypical of me to think this way and today the conversation represented a universal misuse of dialogue that poisons humanity and creates division. Laughing at the expense of others for something they cannot change or makes them diverse is not okay. Here's how the rest of the story went:

Me: (calmly) I'm sorry, but I find this conversation offensive.

An instant uproar ensued:

OH!! WHAT?! OFFENSIVE? WHY SHOULD YOU BE OFFENDED?
We weren't talking about YOU... it was someone on the t.v.. HAVE YOU SEEN HER HAIR?

A few heads have now turned in the dressing room.

Me: (still calm) Don't be offended because YOU offended ME. It doesn't matter if the person was on television or not, they're still a human being that doesn't need to be talked about like that and what you said is something black people hear a lot... I've heard it many times and it's offensive.

Lady #1: Yeah but... HAVE YOU SEEN HER HAIR??? No one looks normal with hair like that. It's like a round ball around her head and it bounces when she walks.

Me: (I think I may have used my yoga voice) Actually, in many black cultures hair like that is very normal.

Lady #2: Well, we weren't just talking about black people. Before that we were talking about a white guy who was wearing makeup.

Me: The problem is you're talking about people and maybe you should be a little more sensitive to how it affects them.

Silence. Two ladies leave.

The one right next to my locker is left and both of us pack our bags. I was busy breathing and mindfully putting my stuff inside my bag. Shaking inside, I was fighting the urge to stuff everything in and storm out. I forced myself to stand in the discomfort and be present. The Force was with me. I carefully closed my locker, turned to face the woman beside me and said:
"Have a nice day" (That time I really did use my yoga voice) We locked eyes. I sent her love vibes, she sent me daggers and wished me a good day as well and we parted ways.


I think there was some food for thought dished onto their plates today. One mindful conversation at a time we will change the world. I think I'll end it with the Ignite talk I did several years ago on the topic of race. It just seems appropriate today.

More Than A Dance

This past weekend both of my daughters performed in their end-of-year dance recital at The Grand Theatre. Of course, like all parents, my husband and I were bubbling over with pride as we watched our girls dance on stage, admiring how confident they are becoming. What's interesting is every year I have this overwhelming feeling of my heart opening up and spilling everywhere as I watch dance act, after dance act hit the stage. What is it about watching these young people dance on stage that makes me want to sob? I asked myself as I watched the sequins and ruffles twirl across the stage. My Truth answered.

On that stage is innocence wrapped in joy, the way the human spirit is meant to show up in the world.  These beautiful children on stage are knocking on a door to something that is locked deep within us: cooperation, collaboration, shared vision. With every synchronized movement they remind us of how much we human beings thrive in harmony. Even the dancer who struggles to keep up is still working in collaboration with the rest of the group and that's why the performance never falls apart. In harmony there is bravery, beauty and focus. When I see this in action on the stage, it makes me long for humanity to "just get along". It gives me hope that we can get it right. It's a complicated dance, but with practice, anything is possible.

It seems when we lost our tribes and clans, we also lost our harmony. Materialism has inhibited our ability to create visions for the higher and greater good, which makes hearing one song difficult, let alone attempting to dance together. Without a big, single vision and without taking the time to learn how to dance together, we end up looking like a bunch of drunken college kids dancing at a bar. It seems like fun in the moment, but its not taking us any where constructive and the morning after always hurts. All we can do is start from where we are: find a song to dance to that elevates our lives and the lives of others and never take our attention off of that tune. Make up our dance, practice and persevere, but whatever we do, we mustn't stop dancing. We need to build our strength, endurance and confidence so when our dance is complete, we can show our families, our friends, our neighbours, our community; bringing harmony where ever we go through love, compassion, patience and understanding.

I guess a dance isn't just a dance. Hopefully I won't embarrass my children by sobbing at next year's recital.

Boston. Peace.

Photo courtesy of intent.com

Each and every day and night
I so praise the lot of human beings–
when they direct their mind eternally to good,
they are eternally beautiful and majestic.

-Goethe, "Dornburg, September 1828"



There are more good human beings in the world than bad.
I will not be fearful of my brothers and sisters. Ever.
I will not become cynical or desensitized to violence. Ever.
I will cry when other humans suffer and when we create such evil works.
As long as I cry, I know my hunger for peace will grow stronger
and my life will be full of purpose.
I keep my gaze on the space between these acts of violence
because this is where our Truth as human beings lie.
I see what Goethe sees. Always.