The 40-Day Experiment

Lent season is about to begin. Although I choose other means than my Catholic roots for spiritual expression, I find the principle behind Lent to be inspiring and with great potential for personal transformation. For those of you unfamiliar with Lent, it is a 40-day period of personal sacrifice to honour the death and rebirth of Christ.

A few years ago, for the first time in decades, I revisited this holiday after being inspired by one of my yoga students, who told me a tale of how her husband, two children and herself all declared personal sacrifices for the 40 days of Lent and the ways in which each of them was positively affected by their sacrifices. In fact, she told me, what they gained was worth more than the initial sacrifice.

If you know me, I LOVE positive change. So last year, I experimented and privately declared "40 days of Gratitude For My Husband".  Every day, on the wall closest to his side of the bed, I placed a handwritten sticky note of something specific I was grateful for that day as it related to him. Here's what it did: every day it put me on high alert to look for the ways in which my husband brings joy to my life. Once it started, I had to follow through because... you guessed it... by day three he was expecting another sticky note. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure it inspired my husband to give me something to write about. As we would get ready for bed at night, I would linger until I caught him reading my daily note just so I could watch his reaction. I must say, things that would have normally been taken for granted or go unnoticed by both of us were acknowledged and they clearly transformed the mundane into the extraordinary. When the 40 days were up, my husband looked at me and asked, "Can we make it into '80 days of Gratitude?'" We both laughed, but at the same time recognized the value of this little exercise of giving up time to give a little more appreciation. The other benefit of this experiment was a humbling of the ego, as for both of us awareness was no longer the self but on the other.

The beauty is you don't have to be a Christian to benefit from this exercise. If you are someone who is earnestly trying to become a better human being and to serve humanity, why not give it a go?  What would you be willing to sacrifice for the benefit of self and others? Below are some challenges that may pique your interest or lead to another idea. I'd love to hear what you'll commit to and the results of your 40 day experiment.

1.  Sacrifice violence. That's right... a violence detox. No more violent television shows, movies, video games. No more violent words or actions. This means you'll have to be a little more creative with how you express your anger. Oh... and violent thoughts count too!
2.  A Technology Fast. This can be done in many capacities. No electronics from sun-down to sun-up. It could be for one-hour daily. You make the call and then...unplug. Use the time you gain to act in ways that benefit others: volunteer at your favourite non-profit, help an elderly neighbour, spend quality time with loved ones, etc.
3. Commit to Sit. Give up 15 minutes a day before work or before bed to sit in silence. Meditate. Pray. Reflect on a high virtue like love, peace, unity... or just breathe.
4. Save your change. Skip the coffee and throw the money in a jar. Convince your latte drinking friends to do the same and then at the end of the month have fun pooling your coffee money together to donate to a charity of your choice.
5. Read Between the Lines. Read character building, value-instilling texts. Be curious and investigate several faiths to find what they all have in common.

 This year, I'm going to give up 15 minutes of sleep for an early morning meditation, as well as lights out from sun down to sun up– reminding me there are many places in the world without electricity and that there is value in simplicity. My candles are stocked. I'll let you know how my family responds!

More Than A Dance

This past weekend both of my daughters performed in their end-of-year dance recital at The Grand Theatre. Of course, like all parents, my husband and I were bubbling over with pride as we watched our girls dance on stage, admiring how confident they are becoming. What's interesting is every year I have this overwhelming feeling of my heart opening up and spilling everywhere as I watch dance act, after dance act hit the stage. What is it about watching these young people dance on stage that makes me want to sob? I asked myself as I watched the sequins and ruffles twirl across the stage. My Truth answered.

On that stage is innocence wrapped in joy, the way the human spirit is meant to show up in the world.  These beautiful children on stage are knocking on a door to something that is locked deep within us: cooperation, collaboration, shared vision. With every synchronized movement they remind us of how much we human beings thrive in harmony. Even the dancer who struggles to keep up is still working in collaboration with the rest of the group and that's why the performance never falls apart. In harmony there is bravery, beauty and focus. When I see this in action on the stage, it makes me long for humanity to "just get along". It gives me hope that we can get it right. It's a complicated dance, but with practice, anything is possible.

It seems when we lost our tribes and clans, we also lost our harmony. Materialism has inhibited our ability to create visions for the higher and greater good, which makes hearing one song difficult, let alone attempting to dance together. Without a big, single vision and without taking the time to learn how to dance together, we end up looking like a bunch of drunken college kids dancing at a bar. It seems like fun in the moment, but its not taking us any where constructive and the morning after always hurts. All we can do is start from where we are: find a song to dance to that elevates our lives and the lives of others and never take our attention off of that tune. Make up our dance, practice and persevere, but whatever we do, we mustn't stop dancing. We need to build our strength, endurance and confidence so when our dance is complete, we can show our families, our friends, our neighbours, our community; bringing harmony where ever we go through love, compassion, patience and understanding.

I guess a dance isn't just a dance. Hopefully I won't embarrass my children by sobbing at next year's recital.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

photo credit: stock.xchng

Maya Angelou once wrote an autobiography by the same title– a fascinating book that you should read if you haven't already, but that isn't what inspired this post.

No, it was reading the following words from Buddhist monk, Nichiren Daishonin:

"When a caged bird sings, birds who are flying in the sky are thereby summoned and gather around, and when the birds flying in the sky gather around, the bird in the cage strives to get out."

It is the amount of truth in this metaphor that renders its power. The "truth" being that if we can just stay close to our true nature, if we can continue to uplift others and create beauty despite our own suffering or limitations, our courage will be inspired and strengthened so we may break free and improve our own life circumstances.

And even when we are not aware of our substandard life– because a cage may be all we've ever known– if we continue to strive to add value to the world around us, new possibilities will come into view. They will inspire and motivate us to stretch beyond our current way of being, until one day we have found a way out of our cage... out of our small lives... allowing us to experience a freedom we've never known before, turning our ignorance into a spectacle for us to observe.

And the ones who are free... they are bound to the ones who are not. The joy they feel as their wings spread and carry them to new lands is never taken for granted. It is something they cannot withhold from others. All they need is to hear a song from a cage.

Have a Little Faith

When you have faith, the sun is always shining.

Faith is more than "believing" in something.  It is confidence and trust mixed together. To thrive in life, we have to know we are competent and know we will follow through without fail, even if it means overcoming obstacles. We make things difficult for ourselves when we become unsure of what our strengths are and/or we neglect to hold ourselves accountable for our lack of determination. Sometimes we put too much faith in others and not enough in ourselves. A lot of the time, we lack faith in the mysteries of life; the mysteries that bring the right person, the right circumstance, the right everything so you may thrive.

The culprit of lacking faith has to do with "the plan". Having a plan isn't a bad thing, just don't develop tunnel vision around it. Like a yogi on the mat, or a ship set to sea, you have to be prepared to adapt, adjust and modify as situations arise. Some situations may slow you down, others may expose you to new and unexpected experiences. At those times when you feel lost and fear begins to set in, go to your safe place where you can release your emotions and then emerge full of faith; with confidence and trust that you AND the mysteries of life are both competent and will follow through without fail. Even if it means overcoming obstacles. 

Another One Off My "Bucket List"

I've practiced yoga at 6:00 a.m. before, but never in the hallway of a hotel. It's not something on my bucket list, but what followed was: my husband and I running our first half marathon. My yoga practice not only warmed up my muscles, it focused my mind. I wasn't 100% sure if I could run the whole thing and I needed to cast away all doubt.

My husband and I (pre-race)

I drank my daily concoction of "greens"  that my husband packed for the both of us, ate a few slices of apples and then we were off. I felt confident I had enough energy to sustain me, given the amount of carbs I  had accumulated in my system from eating a large pasta dinner the night before.

With my step mother and our daughters in tow, Kevin and I made our way through the hotel lobby to catch the first taxi we saw. We could've easily walked to the start line, but... it was pouring rain. 

Great. Better stay dry as long as we can, I thought.

The good news was as soon as the run began the rain stopped. At that point, I could release the envy that crept into my mind and targeted everyone wearing a garbage bag. 

Within the first 15 minutes, my iPod quit working for reasons unknown. At that point, my crutch of comfort was taken away. No longer could I depend on the playlist of power songs I carefully put together the day before. No problem. The people, the music and the cheering put a smile on my face for the first 7 kilometers, until my right knee started hurting really bad. Then the people, the music and the cheering became necessities. I observed onlookers banging cowbells, which prompted me to begin yelling "MORE COWBELL!" so they would make more noise and distract me from the pain.

After 7 kilometers, my body was no longer running the show, my mind was:

My knee is really hurting. I hope I don't damage it.

It'll be okay. Just keep going.

But this totally contradicts the yogic view of honouring my body. I'm going beyond my limits.

Yes, but from a Buddhist view I'm overcoming an obstacle.

 Aww screw it. I didn't come all this way or bring my stepmother and children here to see me walk across the finish line. My yoga practice will make for a quick recovery. I'm not quitting.

Then I thought about olympic athletes, athletes with physical disabilities, and a co-worker who recently completed a half-iron man, which is 70km of running, biking and swimming, while she was sick. And when those thoughts didn't work, I recited a Buddhist mantra. Despite the feeling of my knee* threatening to give out at any moment, it held up and my husband and I crossed the finish line in 2 hours and 22 minutes.

This is what my half marathon experience has taught me:

1. Showing up counts as effort and builds momentum. Some people would rather talk about it than actually show up.
   
   
2. Showing up may count for something, but doing the actual work to achieve your goal requires conviction, perseverance, and people cheering from the side lines.
   
   
3. As Rachel Berdan (the co-worker I spoke about earlier) advised... "trust your training". The effort of your past actions will determine how ready you are to pursue your goal. Which leads me back to lesson #1- you can't just show up.
   
   
4. There was a sign someone was holding up along the route that read, "Losers never start. The weak never finish. Winners never quit." This kinda sums up lessons 1-3.
   
   
5. Rachel was right. When I stood at the start line, I realized I had been waiting for this moment and I was ready for it. All of my training brought me to this point, which confirms that any and all action toward any goal or dream means eventually you will not only show up for your moment, but you will finish it.
   
   
6. When you lose momentum or you feel like giving up, turn to your cheerleaders and encourage others along the way. I found myself spontaneously shouting at everyone around me, "Come on! You can do this! Don't quit!" You can try to lift your self up, but you gain more when you lift others up with you.
   
   
7. Never have a go at anything big alone. Having my husband running beside me kept me strong. Nothing beats approaching the "finish line", whatever that may be,  and seeing the faces of loved ones cheering you on, knowing they are witnessing an epic moment on your timeline.
   
   
8. Overcoming obstacles as a couple keep a marriage strong, especially ones you choose. That could mean eating healthier, getting out of debt or renovating a house. Carefully placed stressors make you work as a team.

So tell me... where are you in your half marathon of life? Watching others, while merely dreaming about pursuing that goal or dream? Have you showed up, but without doing the training only to say, "why bother?" or have you been working tirelessly with a vision of crossing the finish line? Maybe it's time to actually run. If you've been running and obstacles are in your way, don't give up and make sure you rely on those positive people you've surrounded yourself with. And... if you've crossed the finish line, maybe it's time you started helping others to do the same.

*After all is said and done, my knee is fine. And yes, yoga provided a quick recovery time– although on "day 3" of recovery I was sitting at an all day retreat for work and I kind of seized up. Mental note: stay moving post half-marathon.

Do Good Anyway

It's been well over a month since I've finished reading "A Simple Path" by Mother Teresa, but these words, which appeared on one of the last few pages of her book, have stuck with me. They are important words that I would like to share with you:

No matter what, there will always be critics and naysayers of the good you are trying to do. There will be situations to make you think you've made a mistake and you'd be better off going back to living a quiet life– but you mustn't. All of the good things in life are good because people like you have exposed their heart and voluntarily made themselves vulnerable. Courage is always noble.

But, if you do get the wind knocked out of you or you stumble and fall, there's nothing wrong with taking a rest. Undesirable experiences are necessary for growth. They provide the required space to fine tune your vision and reevaluate your approach. Although it may be tempting, please don't give up. There can never be enough good in the world and you have something worthwhile to contribute– even when it seems pointless.

An Adventure Awaits...

I have dreamed of traveling to far-off distant lands for many years. It's one of those things I wish I did in my 20s– before marriage and kids. For whatever reason, seeing the world wasn't on my radar until my mid-twenties when my husband's best friend, who had recently graduated from his Master's program, decided to spend a year backpacking alone through Asia. There was something about those post cards we received from him that were so intriguing to me: reading his handwritten words that described his experiences, noting the colours and lines of the exotic stamp, and as strange as it sounds, I would even smell the postcards to see if I could catch a faint scent of what these places smelled like. It was Sean's journey that planted "one day" in my mind.

Of all the post cards we received it was the one from Thailand that planted the biggest seed... he called it "paradise". Sean wrote about sleeping on the beach in the most beautiful, rustic accommodations. He claimed to have found the best shrimp he had ever tasted (I LOVE shrimp!) and how there was nothing better than eating a fresh mango. What he couldn't get over was how ridiculously inexpensive everything was. I was sold. I knew that "one day" I would visit Thailand.

During Sean's year away I distinctly remember having a conversation with a family friend around a campfire about my intentions to travel. Her response was "you better do it before kids". I remember looking directly at her and saying, "no, my kids will come with me". She just smiled at me with a look in her eye that assured me it wouldn't happen.

Here we are, nearly 15 years later and we're finally making the trek and guess what? My kids are coming with me. Yes, this is going to be a family adventure. It took a year of my husband and I researching online, talking to people, reading travel guides, learning to speak Thai*, saving money and now we're ready for an experience of a lifetime.

This will be a trip we have put together– no travel agents, no resorts. We anticipate great memories to come out of it and would love for you to tag along. Some of you may have noticed the new "Family Adventure" tab at the top of this page. We'll be posting frequent updates here along with photos (and maybe footage) for you to follow us along on this special journey, which begins December 5th.

Life... is... good.



*We have a feeling no one is going to understand us when we speak it.

One Question

Who are you? Who are you really? The way you may define yourself may not be defining who you are at all, but rather the story of yourself. You may start by saying your name (nice, but did you choose it?) You may state your occupation or job title (you do realize you can be unemployed at any given moment, don't you?) You may share your relationships– like the number of siblings you have, married or single, with or without children (even these precious ties can be severed or randomly extinguished)

Many of the things you define yourself by are actually roles that you experience, not who you are. My name is Chantelle and I experience being a woman, a mother, a wife, and so on, but this is not who I am. Even my body is like a robe that I have donned during this existence, but who is experiencing all of this? It is the same thing experiencing life as a homeless man, a rock star, a saint and a pedophile– perhaps different levels of consciousness, but still the same thing. Call it mind, spirit, wild or natural it's always there running in the background and it connects us all.

If you spend the time to define yourself by what you are truly not, you become closer to what you truly are. And what that is is what the world craves most. It's what the world needs most.

Quiet contemplation with my youngest daughter

Here's a song by Lotus Theory, an indie band from London, Ontario, Canada to help you get started. And if you require a little more inspiration, listen to Indian philosopher Krishnamurti on the subject of who you are.  The path you take to get there is up to you... All I ask is you take the journey.

This is not YOUR life.

Humility is what you feel when you see others struggling in a life that was supposed to be yours. Grace is what you feel when you acknowledge you didn’t make it on your own, but with the help of so many others.

When you realize how far you’ve come, you also realize how much you owe.  It is the debt of gratitude that keeps you wondering: “Am I doing enough?”

Am I doing enough?

A Life Saved and a Story Worth Sharing

Yesterday, my best friend, Melanie, shared this story about her husband, Jeff who is an train engineer with CN.  I regret it is not until now that I have time to write about it, but I think it is GOOD NEWS worth sharing, timely or not. The following took place Saturday, July 3rd in London, Ontario and with permission, is written in Melanie's words. Perhaps if you know the name of the person who this happened to, you could let us know how he's doing...


Jeff called me at work and told me, "There's been a bit of excitement at work today." As they slowly brought their train across a bridge near South Street hospital, he looked out of his window to see if he could spot any fish. As they neared the other side [of the river] he noticed what looked like clothes floating in the water. As he looked closer, he noticed with alarm that it was actually a person floating face down in the river with his feet just barely up on shore. 
Jeff thought to himself 'I didn't hear any splash or see any waves or ripples in the water' and wondered how long he had been there. After stopping the train, (which took yet another few precious minutes) he and his two co-workers found their way down to him. The challenging part was trying to explain [to EMS] exactly where their location was, as the man was just off the bike path, not near any roads.
"Watch his neck & spine! Get his head up!" Jeff instructed. They gently and quickly moved his body out of the water and onto the shore. The man's eyes were rolled back and he was not breathing. As they continued to maneuver him into a better position, he started to awaken and talk.
Jeff could only shake his head. No one would have seen him on the path unless they noticed the crashed bike and decided to look further. Up on the bridge, Jeff just happened to have the perfect view and was in the right place at the right time. He still has no idea how long the man had actually been lying there, submerged in water before hew was noticed. "I guess it was that guy's lucky day," he says modestly. [Once EMS arrived, they got back on the train and continued on]

Jeff never did find out the man's name or knows how he is doing now.

It makes you think twice when you are stopped by a train in the city. Who knows what those "train guys" are really doing. They could be giving a stranger a second chance at life.
Jeff and his two co-workers, Ron & Colleen, were the CN railroaders who together, saved a man from dying alone, face down in a river.  These three are simply silent, modest heroes among us. 
After my husband shared this story with me, it restored my hope in humanity. This was a deed to be proud of. A monumental difference has been made in the lives of everyone who was at that scene.

You CAN change the world

"Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere."

-President Barack Obama


Shortly after I graduated and began my first career as a school teacher, I remember having this overwhelming feeling that somehow I could change the world; that I was unstoppable. Of course, that was before I knew about bureaucratic barriers. It didn't take long before my naive optimism was squashed out of me and I resigned to a life of mediocrity. I decided that I was powerless; my pulse slowed down, my fire turned to glowing embers. My new mantra became "Why bother?"

If you are living or ever have lived by that mantra, you understand the ways in which your life suddenly turns gray and you begin to live vicariously through larger than life characters in books or on screens.

It was only a matter of time before my residency in the wasteland of mediocrity became dissatisfying. My hiding place was discovered by my spirit and my first born child. I had no choice but to try again.This time around, I realize that leaving your mark isn't so much about the mark itself as it is about the type of person you have to become and the vision you have to guide you.

Mr. Gandhi was right.To create any significant change in the world first requires a significant change within. The biggest changes often involve overcoming multiple fears. Fear of loss. Fear of rejection. Fear of persecution... and the list goes on and on. In fact, I'm not sure the list is ever exhausted. And you can guarantee, where there is fear, feelings of inadequacy also exist. 

Nobody likes to feel inadequate, but without feeling less than capable we wouldn't need to grow. It is where one of life's many forks in the road exists: grow bigger than you are right now, or shrink so you can remain comfortable–for now. I guess you could also choose to not to choose. I wouldn't recommend that option though, I've tried it and I just ended up standing at the junction complaining because I was uncomfortable. It's not fun. But what I now know is nothing... I repeat; nothing feels more epic than overcoming a fear that has been holding you back from living to your fullest potential or becoming proficient at something you once floundered at.

When I was younger I took the comfortable road. Maybe I didn't believe enough in my vision to fight for it. Or maybe I had realized if I fought for it I might not win... and then what? Perhaps my vision was weak and incomplete. Whatever the reason, I needed my flame to peter out so I could build a better fire. Now, when I feel the slightest loss in momentum,  I either fine tune my vision, change my approach, take a break, regroup... I'm not giving up. Not this time.

As Barack says, making your mark is not easy and it does take patience, commitment and a willingness to fail. It is a true test of your vision. I believe a great vision will always see you through and the feet of the person you are becoming will eventually get you there.

A Hero Among Us

Last night, while teaching my yoga class, I had the privilege of meeting a man with an incredible story.
The class was packed with women. In walked a male newcomer. Middle-aged and bald-headed, he's husky and tattooed. His braced legs and cane carried him as he made his way to the front of the class. Within the first few repetitions of our sun salutations, he began showing signs of struggle and I became a little concerned that he may be discouraged and leave the class... but he didn't.
In fact, he gave his all throughout the entire class, taking breaks whenever he needed to and without apology. He was the last to leave and as I approach to thank him for coming, he introduced himself and told me his story.

Three years ago, he had a flu shot and he nearly died. His entire nervous system was blown out and recovery has been a very long process. He spent months in the hospital, extensive time in a wheelchair, eventually progressed to walking with two canes and now he is down to one cane. His neurologist told him to come to yoga and if he continued making the progress he was, he'd be back to work next year.

This... man... is... INCREDIBLE. As he told his story, I couldn't help but to notice his determination and positive attitude and my eyes couldn't help but to fill with tears of absolute humility. It's not often I come across such courageous and inspiring individuals face to face, but when I do I am wise enough to recognize I am in the presence of a hero.

I know you're out there...

On some level, all of us are craving change. Perhaps you have felt your wheels spinning because the desire for change was there but you didn't know what to do with it. It's time to stop spinning and just make your move! Whether it's big or small, all action counts and is instrumental in creating change.

I found this TED Talks video (my favourite source of information) featuring Seth Godin, an entrepreneur and well-known blogger, speaking about using the internet as a tool, bringing like-minded people together to create major change. The power of one isn't really the power of one; it's the power of many and it is the power of truth. Speak your mind and share your heart, but you're going to ruffle some feathers. Do it as a 'tribe' and there's nothing to fear.

Grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and for the next 20 minutes enjoy this little pep talk.

Seth Godin on the tribes we lead | Video on TED.com

Never Water a Weed

My 7-year-old daughter was the inspiration for me to re-enter the blogosphere today. Until now, I've been only thinking about it and had it filed the 'action' part with the rest of the "some days" of my mind. But the truth is, I've been agonizing over the desire to share my thoughts in a way that inspires people and elicits positive connections with others. But today is the day... I'm back!

So why "Never Water a Weed"? This is where my daughter comes in. Earlier this evening, she and I were having a conversation about her taking the initiative to play soccer with a bunch of boys at recess today. I was glad to hear that she had taken a chance to do so and was anticipating a victorious ending; which was right about when she told me she stopped playing because one particular boy was laughing at her.

Her look indicated she knew what was coming next... one of my motivational talks, which for her is like cleaning her room; a painful process to start, but once it's done she always feels better.

"So you stopped playing because of that?" I responded. "You let that person take your joy away... You're going to let someone else make you shrink inside? Baby girl, you gave all your power away. So what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"Play soccer," she says with a smile.

"And laugh back if someone laughs at you again," I add.

"Yeah, and then I'll just say to him –"

That's when I cut her off. "Baby, never water a weed. You know what happens when you water a weed, don't you?"

"It grows big," she says, as she pantomimes a weed growing.

"And how easy is it to pull a weed out when it's big like that?" I ask.

In her dramatic 7-year-old voice she proclaims,"It's NOT!"

And in proper form, our philosophical discussion ended with her having more bounce in her step and I, wandering away while pondering what I had just said.

Today I realized I have a few weeds of my own I need to stop watering. There has been some negativity I have passively allowed to creep in my mind and the worst part is I have been watering those thoughts with belief. Sh*t! I know better than that.

In the days, weeks and months to come, I look forward to spending time in my garden (both figuratively and literally) pulling weeds and watering flowers. With this blog, it is my intention to plant seeds of inspiration and nurture growth for my readers... and reminding everyone to never water a weed.