When I first met my husband, 15 years ago, I told him back then that as long as he was with me, he would never love the same person twice. Even as a 21 year old, I had consciously planned to evolve for the rest of my life, which meant my husband has grown accustomed to trying new things and observing me challenging myself in mind, body and soul.
Just last week, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. At times, I didn't know if celebrating a decade of marriage would be a reality for us. Every marriage goes through it and from what I can see, it's a perfectly natural and good thing.
My husband and I met when we were 15 years younger. Our priorities were very different and we were without children. Fast forward to our current place on the timeline and neither one of us is remotely the same person we were back then, regardless if we were 'evolving consciously' or not. Yet, the sticky web of dynamics attempts to pull us into ways of interacting and Being that no longer serves us... and so the bumpy ride begins. If only a voice had said, "
Hold on tight because this is the first ditch you vowed to dig yourselves out of when you said 'for better or for worse'".
I can understand how so many marriages dissolve or how affairs happen because let me tell you, that ditch is bleak. But in our case, after we took a closer look we found we weren't in a ditch at all. Rather, we were in our matrimonial closet of blames, hurts and ideals; all we had to do was open the door and clean the mess up. A lot had to go, but some treasures just needed to be dusted off and put to good use again. It took a few years, some emotional oscillating, new boundary setting, open and raw discussions and at last, fresh eyes to see each other with. It was like we entered a chrysalis together and were thrown off by the darkness and the losing of our form without realizing all the while we were shedding our old selves as a couple. Thankfully, we made it through.
After having gone through all of this and without being so naive as to think it will only happen once, we cannot deny our rich history together or that the depth of our love for each other has since expanded. We feel lighter and wiser. We acknowledge we don't know what our future will bring, but have a healthy awareness that the relationship we cultivate today will shape the one we have tomorrow.
And we now know it's better to clean out our closet on a regular basis than it is to wait until another decade passes.
