Your Mother is Your First Guru

Those are words I will never forget. I first heard them in 2007, while studying under Shri Yogi Hari. As a fairly new mother of two children, it was like music to my ears, but what struck me most was I had a new perspective on my mother. In the past, I had focused all of the things she didn't "know" and the challenges I faced with my mother throughout my teen and early adult years.  In what ways was my mother my wise, spiritual teacher?

Truthfully, she really didn't talk too much about "God" to me, in part because her 1950's strict Catholic education left a bad taste in her mouth. Although I did once convince her and my dad to take me to a Baptist church for a couple of years, but the "no dancing" rule and general hypocrisy of fellow churchgoers became a turn off and we stopped.

No, my spiritual journey was self directed... or was it?

My mother taught me a lot explicitly:

No matter what you accomplish, you are never better than anyone.
Share.
Be helpful to the elderly.
Education first. Boys later.
It's okay to fail, as long as you did your best. 
Read.
Always better yourself.
Try different things. 
Don't listen to what the other kids say. You be your own person.

But as I deeply reflect back on my childhood years, I think her best teachings came through her Being:

My mother was slow to anger.
She was patient. It always amazed me how she could wait in the longest line up and never become restless. EVER.
She was playful and often joked around with me.
She taught me it was okay to cry. "Get it all out"  she would say to me in moments of distress.
She loved me well. Cuddles. Hugs. Kisses. She would always say to me "I love you more than life itself." As a grown woman, I can say,  I believe her. 

It has been decades since I've been able to be with my mother for Mother's Day because of her strict work schedule, but today I will be able to honour my first guru, as you do the same for yours.

Happy Mother's Day.

Love Thyself Like No Other

To My Daughters:

I will do my best to love you,
but in the end, no one will know how to love you like you.
Because I am your parent and you are my child
my best intentions will by your mind translate into false expectations
and an inner dialogue I would never wish upon you

And it will follow you, that dialogue, into every romantic relationship
but in the end, no one will know how to love you like you
You will play silly games, looking for another to fulfill you
all the while blinded to the ways you are loved because you know what
you need, but you won't give it to yourself

And you will grow frustrated, tempting to believe that you are unlovable
but in the end, no one will know how to love you like you
Then you will remember what I told you and correct that inner voice
 to sound like a mother, a sister, a best friend and a lover
 creating compassion within and opening your eyes to the self-love you've been missing


And one day, you will finally realize the Truth
That no one will love you like I love you

No Bieber Fever in THIS House!

Until recently, I had prided myself on successfully keeping Justin Bieber out of my home. And then it happened... On a drive home from summer day care, my 7-year-old said:

"Mom, I like Justin Bieber."

I turned my head around faster than Linda Blair in The Exorcist. "WHAT???" Oh crap! I'm driving a car. My eyes go back to the road.

"What do you know about Justin Bieber?" I say scrutinizing her in the rear view mirror.

"I don't know what he looks like, but I like his music," she responds.

"How did you hear his music?" I'm dumbfounded.

"A---- at day care had it on her MP3 player."

"Isn't A---- like 6-years-old?" Now I'm even more dumbfounded.

"Yeah... I don't know what she's doing with an MP3 player." Phew! At least my daughter is still on my side about that issue...

"What song did you hear?" Oh Lord...

She then proceeds to sing Baaby, Baaby, Baby OOOHHH

Okay, I can handle this. It's just a song. No big deal.  I cautiously surrender and we talk about the rest of her day. But then the next day...

"MOM! Today I saw the Justin Bieber video on Youtube!"

"WHAT?!" I BECOME Linda Blair from The Exorcist.

"Daddy put it on for me." Great... I'll deal with that later.


"Let me see the video," I say.

Girls are appropriately dressed. Check.  NO bumping and grinding. Check. NO explicit lyrics. Check. An old school dance off. YAY! Puppy Love... not crazy about exposing her to that, but I guess it's time to start introducing the topic (why can't it be as easy as introducing solid foods?)

Here come's the mama talk...

"Okay, Jas. I don't mind you watching this video, but as long as it's not every day, all day. I don't mind you liking Justin Bieber's music, as long as you stay away from becoming so attached to him that he's all you think about. There are a lot of girls out there who wake up thinking about Justin Bieber, go to school and all they think about and talk about is Justin Bieber. Then they start looking for boys who look like Justin Bieber and at night, when they go to sleep they dream about Justin Bieber."

Flashback to 1982

"You know, if Justin Bieber inspires you to become better at something, then it's a good thing. Like when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours dancing so I could move like Michael Jackson. Because of him I became a better dancer. I learned about how he wanted to excel at everything he did and I was inspired to try and attain the same high standards. He made me think about the rest of the world and helping others. But all that other stuff I just talked about with the screaming and crying and carrying on is nothing but a distraction from you becoming the best you can be. A little bit of Justin Bieber is okay, but too much is just not good." I should know!

"Mom, it's just a song!"

"Until you go to school and start hearing all of the other girls talking crazy talk about Justin Bieber. You don't want to become one of those girls. I'm just sayin'! "

A box!

"Jas you have to trust me on this one. Imagine you have a box on top of your head and the lid is wide open. As long as that box is open, my job is to put as many good things in there as I can because one day, you are going to slap my hand away and close that lid. Then I'm going to have to wipe my hands clean and say 'my job is done'. You are going to make mistakes, but it'll be okay because I know I've put good things in that box of yours and you'll eventually remember all that is in there and get back on track. But for now, let me do my job."

"Ohhh I get it. You're just making sure I won't do what everyone else does and get crazy about Justin Bieber."

"Exactly." Whoa, that smile feels pretty big on my face. Wait a minute..."Do you know where Daddy is?"

Never Water a Weed

My 7-year-old daughter was the inspiration for me to re-enter the blogosphere today. Until now, I've been only thinking about it and had it filed the 'action' part with the rest of the "some days" of my mind. But the truth is, I've been agonizing over the desire to share my thoughts in a way that inspires people and elicits positive connections with others. But today is the day... I'm back!

So why "Never Water a Weed"? This is where my daughter comes in. Earlier this evening, she and I were having a conversation about her taking the initiative to play soccer with a bunch of boys at recess today. I was glad to hear that she had taken a chance to do so and was anticipating a victorious ending; which was right about when she told me she stopped playing because one particular boy was laughing at her.

Her look indicated she knew what was coming next... one of my motivational talks, which for her is like cleaning her room; a painful process to start, but once it's done she always feels better.

"So you stopped playing because of that?" I responded. "You let that person take your joy away... You're going to let someone else make you shrink inside? Baby girl, you gave all your power away. So what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"Play soccer," she says with a smile.

"And laugh back if someone laughs at you again," I add.

"Yeah, and then I'll just say to him –"

That's when I cut her off. "Baby, never water a weed. You know what happens when you water a weed, don't you?"

"It grows big," she says, as she pantomimes a weed growing.

"And how easy is it to pull a weed out when it's big like that?" I ask.

In her dramatic 7-year-old voice she proclaims,"It's NOT!"

And in proper form, our philosophical discussion ended with her having more bounce in her step and I, wandering away while pondering what I had just said.

Today I realized I have a few weeds of my own I need to stop watering. There has been some negativity I have passively allowed to creep in my mind and the worst part is I have been watering those thoughts with belief. Sh*t! I know better than that.

In the days, weeks and months to come, I look forward to spending time in my garden (both figuratively and literally) pulling weeds and watering flowers. With this blog, it is my intention to plant seeds of inspiration and nurture growth for my readers... and reminding everyone to never water a weed.