Chaos and Calm Go Hand in Hand.

A death in the family. Crazy activity schedule for kids. Immediate and extended family demands that can't always be met. A new business to tend to... this, in a nutshell, is what's been happening in the last month.

Right now, everything is a blur.

Life just keeps happening no matter who you are. And yes, even being the yogi that I am, I still experience moments when I am reduced to a time-starved, high stressed, carb-eating human doing (not being). The truth is, this is the unsustainable part of the human experience in a privileged country.

Once in a while, things get super busy and chaotic. Depending on the nature of it all, it could last a few weeks, a month or a whole year, especially if there has been a major life crisis. The tough part is recognizing when the tornado of activity is over and it's time to readjust how we move through our day.  I see this quite often with people who are unable to lie still in relaxation at the end of a yoga class; they have the time and space to do nothing, but their bodies and minds just keep going.

Currently, slowing down isn't my struggle. Okay, I lie... it is. Only I have a strong desire to slow down, but the timing isn't quite right. I don't enjoy being this busy, but I do recognize this is the particular season of my life at the moment AND... it's a recently new season, so I have to allow myself time to adapt and adjust. Quite frequently throughout the day, I am checking in with my breathing, the amount of tension in my body and my state of mind.  I find minutes of refuge that feel like hours of recharge when I stop to take in a hug from one of my children, when I pause for a minute to sit silently in my backyard, when I sneak in a handstand before returning to my computer after a bathroom break, when my head hits my pillow at a decent bed time at night... No, these aren't prolonged moments of deep contemplation or silence. Nor are they long hikes in the forest or an evening out with girlfriends. These moments are fleeting, but as long as I can pause to appreciate them they still count and they still refuel my tank.  I know eventually they will grow in length and these hurried days will calm down... and then... start up again... and calm down again... This is life.

What I am struggling with is disappointing extended family members at my current lack of availability. There was a time when I was going to university full-time and working three jobs. There just wasn't enough time in the day to spend time with family. That time in my life is over, but this "season" is quite reminiscent of those old days. It's also reminiscent of a few years ago, when our daughters were 3- and 6-years-old and I returned to school full time to study corporate communications and public relations. It was extremely busy, but that time is over... And so too, this time will eventually come to an end. Chaos. Calm. Chaos. Calm.  Life is ever fluctuating and nothing stays the same. To my family... this won't last forever and I have to give myself permission to disappoint you. I know you still love me ;)

I thank the past version of my husband and myself for planning our annual back country canoe & camping trip to Algonquin Park back in May. I can't wait to embed and insulate myself with my family into the refuge of the wilderness. To wash off this last year of city dwelling and get back to being instead of doing– even if it's only for five days I will soak up every moment like it's a year long retreat. You can bet nobody will hear from me at all.

Reflection on Year One of Entrepreneurship (Part 2)

What was I talking about??? What was I about to do??? Where did I put my keys???

Yes... Part 2 of Year One of Entrepreneurship is about the side effects of becoming an entrepreneur.

Mommy Brain is Back.

For the women out there who have experienced "mommy brain",  you will have some experience with scatterbrainitis that entrepreneurs tend to suffer from. Not only does one have more to think about, but each item to think about carries a greater weight of responsibility, which creates internal pressure not to forget anything, which in fact, results in the exact opposite– you forget everything. No longer can I judge business people who appear to be disorganized. Rather, I now appreciate all of the details that need to be attended to and the inexhaustible to-do list floating around in their mental space. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. Enter my mantra: "It will all get done... It will all get done... It will all get done..." which means, some things may not be done in timely matter as it may have been done in the past (ex. responding to emails, blogging, tweeting, etc.) but it doesn't mean I don't care. There's just not enough of me to go around.

I've come to accept a level of disorganization as part of being a business owner, but I've also learned the art of delegation. I simply cannot do everything. Time to start outsourcing. Enter the housecleaning crew, a part-time assistant, more team members and a little more room to breathe.

Look at my little cutie patootie... Awww... do you want your baba?

It's a strange phenomenon that happens to new parents... the tone of their voice changes and they begin speaking infantese. Ever met a business owner who only talks business?  I've caught myself several times. I think need to start reading tabloids.


Is their a multi-vitamin for time deficiency?

Just like having a new born, I am living for the survival and well-being of my neophyte business. When I'm not being a mother and wife, every available minute is unconditionally offered to my new business and just like when I brought my babies home, taking care of my own needs is hit and miss, but I know better than to let it go completely. I have maintained a sporadic 5:00am yoga practice. I take naps. I go to bed at before 11:00pm (most nights). I've been seeing my massage therapist... but I miss my play time.  I need some silliness and good belly laughs. I need to spend more time with friends and extended family. I need to be soaking up some fresh vitamin D and enjoying the outdoors– lately it's just been too cold for my tropically mixed blood. Hurry up warm weather!!!

It will all get done... It will all get done... It will all get done...

Sure it everything takes more effort, but what you end up with is a strong and healthy priority system because your time really is a precious and limited commodity. And just like parenting, being an entrepreneur is the most challenging and rewarding role one can have. I'm also setting out to defy the odds, to create a new model of healthy and well-thy entrepreneurship... please excuse me while I take a moment to "just breathe".

Not Too Hard, Not Too Easy

This time last year, my life was very different. I was working full time and life was going by way too fast. (I told my neighbour I loved him, remember?)  The real wake up call came when I realized a whole school year had almost passed and I didn't know who my children's teachers were– a hard pill to swallow being a former educator.

We had stopped eating fresh, slow-cooked meals because frozen, pre-cooked meals and (gulp) fast food had become more convenient. I remember one incident when my best friend was taking care of my girls after school. She drove them both to gymnastics for me and I later met up with them after work. I was wild-eyed and frantic, holding a bag of McDonald's food in my hand for dinner. I was on the verge of tears when I shook the bag at her and said "This is not how I want to live! This is NOT okay!" She and I laugh about it today, but that moment was a tell-tale sign I was living out of alignment with my values. I was suffering because of it and so was the rest of my family.

A year ago, we spent a lot of money on babysitting and if it weren't for teaching yoga, I would not have had any form of regular exercise because it was much harder to bail on 20 people who were waiting for me at the gym than it was to give in to the weight of being too tired. Speaking of  exercise and being too tired, I missed my husband and he missed me.

I finally gave myself my no-fail "when-I-take-my-last-breath-will-I-have-any-regrets" test and decided I had many regrets on the horizon if I didn't make some changes soon. I  didn't want to look up one day to see my daughters going off to university and know I wasn't there for them when I could've been. I didn't want to see my husband and I grow apart because I was too busy to work on our relationship. I needed to create more balance in my life.

Last May, I made the move to work only part-time. I'm making less money, but I've become richer in other ways and I am now enjoying the fruits of my decision.We're eating healthier. I can sit with my girls when they do their homework. I volunteer once a week in their classrooms and I'm involved with the school council. My husband and I laugh together every day and his odds of getting lucky have increased dramatically. I have room to express my creativity and better serve my community. Balance has been restored and we are all much happier.

Don't get me wrong, I still have busy phases. In fact, I'm in the middle of one right now; hence the single blog post for this month. Even so, I have more control of the flow of "busy-ness" in my life and it's a much more sustainable model. In Eastern philosophy it is recommended that life should not be too hard or too easy, but in the middle. I've found my middle... for now. How about you?