Reflection on Year One of Entrepreneurship (Part 2)

What was I talking about??? What was I about to do??? Where did I put my keys???

Yes... Part 2 of Year One of Entrepreneurship is about the side effects of becoming an entrepreneur.

Mommy Brain is Back.

For the women out there who have experienced "mommy brain",  you will have some experience with scatterbrainitis that entrepreneurs tend to suffer from. Not only does one have more to think about, but each item to think about carries a greater weight of responsibility, which creates internal pressure not to forget anything, which in fact, results in the exact opposite– you forget everything. No longer can I judge business people who appear to be disorganized. Rather, I now appreciate all of the details that need to be attended to and the inexhaustible to-do list floating around in their mental space. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. Enter my mantra: "It will all get done... It will all get done... It will all get done..." which means, some things may not be done in timely matter as it may have been done in the past (ex. responding to emails, blogging, tweeting, etc.) but it doesn't mean I don't care. There's just not enough of me to go around.

I've come to accept a level of disorganization as part of being a business owner, but I've also learned the art of delegation. I simply cannot do everything. Time to start outsourcing. Enter the housecleaning crew, a part-time assistant, more team members and a little more room to breathe.

Look at my little cutie patootie... Awww... do you want your baba?

It's a strange phenomenon that happens to new parents... the tone of their voice changes and they begin speaking infantese. Ever met a business owner who only talks business?  I've caught myself several times. I think need to start reading tabloids.


Is their a multi-vitamin for time deficiency?

Just like having a new born, I am living for the survival and well-being of my neophyte business. When I'm not being a mother and wife, every available minute is unconditionally offered to my new business and just like when I brought my babies home, taking care of my own needs is hit and miss, but I know better than to let it go completely. I have maintained a sporadic 5:00am yoga practice. I take naps. I go to bed at before 11:00pm (most nights). I've been seeing my massage therapist... but I miss my play time.  I need some silliness and good belly laughs. I need to spend more time with friends and extended family. I need to be soaking up some fresh vitamin D and enjoying the outdoors– lately it's just been too cold for my tropically mixed blood. Hurry up warm weather!!!

It will all get done... It will all get done... It will all get done...

Sure it everything takes more effort, but what you end up with is a strong and healthy priority system because your time really is a precious and limited commodity. And just like parenting, being an entrepreneur is the most challenging and rewarding role one can have. I'm also setting out to defy the odds, to create a new model of healthy and well-thy entrepreneurship... please excuse me while I take a moment to "just breathe".

Get Rid of the Anger

I have seen my share of suffering: experiencing society's view of my skin colour, my parents divorce, domestic violence (within my family and experienced first hand*), poverty, the loss of a baby,  and my mother's struggles with schizoaffective disorder, which included 3 serious suicide attempts. Shortly after my 15th birthday until the birth of my oldest daughter, at the age of 29, my life was challenging to say the least. Not until the last 10 years has my life has become peaceful– that I have become peaceful.

Before then I was angry. I didn't want to have to mother my mother. I didn't want anyone to ever hit me or degrade me again. Anger kept me in a fighter's stance at all times. I kept throwing fists at life and wondered why I continued to be antagonized.

But what happens when you let go of that anger, when you open yourself up to something more? You quickly realize that anger has become part of your identity and without it, you suddenly feel vulnerable. Let me take a step back... you suddenly feel. You feel the hurt that is buried beneath the anger: the disappointment, the rejection, the sorrow of life not turning out the way you want it to and all of that translates into a feeling of not being good enough, like somehow you're broken and unworthy of love.  And if you let all of that go, grieving all of it at one time, because yes, you have realized you deserved better "back there", your body will release tears that have been stored inside for years, occupying the space reserved for self-worth.  You suddenly let go of the greedy child that takes– without permission– what she feels is rightfully hers and has tantrums when she is unable to.

Feeling gratitude while on a beach in Thailand last December.

When you let go of all of that, you create space for forgiveness of self and others as you realize, they too have acted out of a place of hurt and scarcity. You create space for gratitude as you realize there isn't a day, not even a moment that goes by without something to be grateful for, leading you to abundance instead of scarcity. You create space for love to enter your life in the most unpredictable forms and intensities, because you realize you are lovable. Most important of all, you create space to give love in the forms of compassion, kindness and acceptance not just to others, but to yourself.

Life is going to have challenges, but when you stay grounded in love, the agitation experienced in the mind is no different than the choppy waves on the surface of the ocean. If you dive below, the waters are calm and vast. Anger on the other hand, offers no relief. Have you ever tried diving into white water? I wouldn't recommend it.

"I will waste not even a precious second today in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness. I know that the seeds I sow I will harvest, because every action, good or bad, is always followed by an equal reaction. I will plant only good seeds this day."
                                                                                                                                                      - Og Mandino

(...and I will never water a weed.)

*To ward off any confusion, my experience with domestic violence happened prior to meeting my husband, during a long-term relationship of 6 years.

Not Too Hard, Not Too Easy

This time last year, my life was very different. I was working full time and life was going by way too fast. (I told my neighbour I loved him, remember?)  The real wake up call came when I realized a whole school year had almost passed and I didn't know who my children's teachers were– a hard pill to swallow being a former educator.

We had stopped eating fresh, slow-cooked meals because frozen, pre-cooked meals and (gulp) fast food had become more convenient. I remember one incident when my best friend was taking care of my girls after school. She drove them both to gymnastics for me and I later met up with them after work. I was wild-eyed and frantic, holding a bag of McDonald's food in my hand for dinner. I was on the verge of tears when I shook the bag at her and said "This is not how I want to live! This is NOT okay!" She and I laugh about it today, but that moment was a tell-tale sign I was living out of alignment with my values. I was suffering because of it and so was the rest of my family.

A year ago, we spent a lot of money on babysitting and if it weren't for teaching yoga, I would not have had any form of regular exercise because it was much harder to bail on 20 people who were waiting for me at the gym than it was to give in to the weight of being too tired. Speaking of  exercise and being too tired, I missed my husband and he missed me.

I finally gave myself my no-fail "when-I-take-my-last-breath-will-I-have-any-regrets" test and decided I had many regrets on the horizon if I didn't make some changes soon. I  didn't want to look up one day to see my daughters going off to university and know I wasn't there for them when I could've been. I didn't want to see my husband and I grow apart because I was too busy to work on our relationship. I needed to create more balance in my life.

Last May, I made the move to work only part-time. I'm making less money, but I've become richer in other ways and I am now enjoying the fruits of my decision.We're eating healthier. I can sit with my girls when they do their homework. I volunteer once a week in their classrooms and I'm involved with the school council. My husband and I laugh together every day and his odds of getting lucky have increased dramatically. I have room to express my creativity and better serve my community. Balance has been restored and we are all much happier.

Don't get me wrong, I still have busy phases. In fact, I'm in the middle of one right now; hence the single blog post for this month. Even so, I have more control of the flow of "busy-ness" in my life and it's a much more sustainable model. In Eastern philosophy it is recommended that life should not be too hard or too easy, but in the middle. I've found my middle... for now. How about you?

Have You Been Winterized?

Photo: Colin Owens

What a beautiful fall season it has been this year. The warm temperatures and sunny days have made it an easier than usual transition into the winter months that lie ahead, but the trees are now bare; exposing their structural beauty and reminding us of the strength and endurance the allows them to flourish in the harshest cycle of the four seasons.

Winters can be challenging. The bitter, cold, gray days can take a toll on one's mind and body. Some people embrace the the season of snow and ice by taking up activities like skiing or snowboarding.

When I first became a parent, I envisioned myself being outside all winter building snowmen and tobogganing down steep hills with my children. Not so much. I'll get the urge to play outside as many times as there are fingers on my hand– other than that, I am watching the kids from inside the house, happily making hot chocolate for when they come in. I'm the type of person who cannot stand being cold. Once I get a chill, I can't get rid of it and then I'm uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Over the last several years through yoga and my my naturopathic doctor friend, Pankaj Seth , I have been introduced to Ayurveda– the science of life. This system of self care has made winters much more bearable. Basically, it is a personalized method to keep yourself well balanced and healthy. A lot of it seems to be common sense, as it is about consciously changing your habits to adapt to your environment (and vice versa) and/or circumstances to maintain balance. Any time the body is not balanced means it has to work harder; the longer it takes to restore balance means vulnerability to illness and disease increases because the immune system is more and more compromised. This approach to well being has demanded I take more responsibility for my own health and well being.

According to Ayurvedic philosophy, my dosha is predominantly vatta-pitta. Winter is "vatta"(wind) in principle, and since like increases like, I am more vulnerable to imbalances during this season: super dry skin, physically chilled, susceptible to colds and flu (I used to be one of those people who would catch cold after cold and have one major bout with flu every winter).

Using the principles of Ayurveda I basically eliminate all things cold and reduce the number and change the type of activities I do. I try to incorporate as much kapha (water & earth) or pitta (fire) principles into my daily living as possible. It's kind of fun adjusting this and that to see what works and what doesn't. Here's what has worked for me:

1. Drinks: Lots of fluids, no caffeine and hold the ice!
-hot liquids. (I love my Tazo and Yogi  teas!) Even plain ol' water is hot. When I go out to a restaurant,
 I'll request hot water with lemon, which gives me an extra boost of vitamin C; at home, I'll make tea
 out of a heaping teaspoon of Chyawanprash
-red wine


2. Food: Goodbye salads, hello soup...
-hot cereal or granola with hot soy milk for breakfast.
-increase my intake of spicy food, heavy comfort foods and meat- yes, I said meat! (preferably organic)
-raw foods I pretty much limit to fruit that can be stored at room temperature
-increase use of olive oil in cooking


3. Environment: Warm and cozy please.
-aromatherapy with earthy or spicy scents
-burn candles throughout the house and of course, spend lots of time in front of the fireplace
-sit in the steam room at the gym
 


4. Activities: Less doing, more being.
-cooking (I love being in a warm kitchen in the middle of winter!)
-running indoors
-yoga
-reading
-anything creative: writing, painting, sketching


4. Personal Care: Stay warm and grounded.
-sesame oil, almond oil or mango body butter for my skin- if it feels warm the minute it touches my
 skin, it's perfect
-increase massage therapy treatments
-much more conscientious of my body temperature; the minute I begin to feel cold, I add another layer
-if I feel the early signs of a cold, I make a fresh basil and ginger tea and that knocks it out of me.
-hot baths at night
-music: less bounce, more chill; jazz, ambient, R&B, reggae, etc.
-meditation
-introspection/reflection
-vitamin D supplement 

Most important of all is guarding the mind so as to have a good night's rest and being mindful of thought patterns that can be toxic, whether it's constantly thinking about too many things at one time or negative inner dialogue– the mind is a powerful influencer on health and well being.

Winter is quickly sneaking up on us. Why not try something different this year? For instance, if you tend to lose motivation and become moody during the winter, that would be considered a kapha (water & earth) imbalance. What you need would be some pitta (ex. spicy food) and vatta (ex. invigorating physical activity) influences.
Ayurveda has been one of those things I have gratefully added to my "Toolbox for Life".  It provides yet another perspective about health and well being that seems to be missing in western medicine, although Dr. Oz and Deepak Chopra have been doing a good job of introducing it to the masses– even though it's a bit on the commercialized side. (sigh) However, if you're into your health (because what good is life without it?) Ayurveda is something worth checking out.


Resources on Ayurveda:

Movie: The Art of Being

More about Dr. Pankaj Seth, ND:
http://www.doctorseth.ca
www.bodhinewmedia.ca/


The mind has great influence over the body, and maladies often have their origin there.  ~Moliere