After only being an ear shot away the entire day while my children were playing with their good friends from across the street, I couldn't help but notice my oldest daughter was showing signs of overbearing behaviour towards the others. I called her over and told her to meet me upstairs in her room. I got there first and laid across her bed. My daughter entered soon after with her arms crossed.
"Your body language is exactly how you are showing up in the world today. Come sit down," I say to my pouting child. "Jasmine, I've noticed everyone has become quiet around you. They're not sharing their ideas because you've become bossy. Listen and you can hear them downstairs right now talking freely and enjoying themselves while you are up here with me."
And there, in the background, were happy little voices chattering away while working on building a fort made of blankets.
"It seems to me that you've been carrying around a little box in your head today," I continue.
Jasmine just looks at me with the same sulking face she had before I started talking.
"The name of that box is 'This Day Will Go My Way' and you've been working hard to make sure everything fits perfectly inside that box– even your friends. It's making you miserable and it's making your friends miserable. Which do you think everyone will enjoy more, you wishing everyone has a good time or you taking care of the little box in your head?"
"Wishing everyone has a good time," she replies.
BINGO!! And with a little more talking, Jasmine was able to shift her attitude and even thank me before returning to her friends.
I tell you this because it's tempting to have a "This Day Will Go My Way" box in your mind. In yoga, this would be an example of living with attachment. In this case, the attachment is to outcomes and it causes great stress and suffering in our daily lives and in the lives of others.
Many Eastern philosophies talk about the practice of non-attachment. Instead of a box, think of a lump of warm clay that you can give a basic shape to, but don't worry about getting into too many details of what the finished product will look like. You always have to leave a little room for universal chaos to sculpt your clay as well. In this way, you are co-creating, not controlling. It may seem like a lot of work to continually adapt, adjust and modify, but it's actually less and you (and your friends, co-workers, family and partner) will be much happier for it.
Namaste.
