When I first met my husband, 15 years ago, I told him back then that as long as he was with me, he would never love the same person twice. Even as a 21 year old, I had consciously planned to evolve for the rest of my life, which meant my husband has grown accustomed to trying new things and observing me challenging myself in mind, body and soul.
Just last week, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. At times, I didn't know if celebrating a decade of marriage would be a reality for us. Every marriage goes through it and from what I can see, it's a perfectly natural and good thing.
My husband and I met when we were 15 years younger. Our priorities were very different and we were without children. Fast forward to our current place on the timeline and neither one of us is remotely the same person we were back then, regardless if we were 'evolving consciously' or not. Yet, the sticky web of dynamics attempts to pull us into ways of interacting and Being that no longer serves us... and so the bumpy ride begins. If only a voice had said, "Hold on tight because this is the first ditch you vowed to dig yourselves out of when you said 'for better or for worse'".
I can understand how so many marriages dissolve or how affairs happen because let me tell you, that ditch is bleak. But in our case, after we took a closer look we found we weren't in a ditch at all. Rather, we were in our matrimonial closet of blames, hurts and ideals; all we had to do was open the door and clean the mess up. A lot had to go, but some treasures just needed to be dusted off and put to good use again. It took a few years, some emotional oscillating, new boundary setting, open and raw discussions and at last, fresh eyes to see each other with. It was like we entered a chrysalis together and were thrown off by the darkness and the losing of our form without realizing all the while we were shedding our old selves as a couple. Thankfully, we made it through.
After having gone through all of this and without being so naive as to think it will only happen once, we cannot deny our rich history together or that the depth of our love for each other has since expanded. We feel lighter and wiser. We acknowledge we don't know what our future will bring, but have a healthy awareness that the relationship we cultivate today will shape the one we have tomorrow.
And we now know it's better to clean out our closet on a regular basis than it is to wait until another decade passes.
About Me
- Chantelle Diachina
- Canada
- With a B.Ed., M.Ed., and over 10 years of classroom teaching experience, Chantelle has been privileged to observe the fruits of many living philosophies. By continually striving to live the best life possible, Chantelle has been able to overcome many personal challenges in life and enjoys helping others do the same. In 2001, Chantelle stepped into her first yoga class and has been amazed at the ways it has transformed her life. In 2007 she studied under Shri Yogi Hari of the Sivananda lineage and became a certified yoga teacher. She has since earned the E-RYT designation from Yoga Alliance and continues to study under various Indian Master Yogis. In October 2013 launched Prana Yoga & Wellness, offering private/corporate yoga and stress management workshops based on Eastern wisdom. Chantelle frequently appears as a guest speaker and is involved with various community projects and local non-profit organizations. Dedicated to walking her talk, Chantelle is not afraid to do the necessary work to remain happily married and be a healthy role model for her two young daughters.
Well said and congratulations on your 10 year milestone. I think the divorce rate it so high, because people get unhappy and instead of talking about it, they get frustrated and end it. My wife and I have always communicated our troubles with each other in hopes that it builds a stronger relationship and brings us closer together. In our 8 years, I can honestly say that we have never had a real fight because of this open 2 way dialog.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck keeping the closet clean, and here is to another 10 years!
Nicely written and spoken straight from the heart. And who says you can't find anything good to read via Facebook?
ReplyDeleteTake care Chantelle and I'll see you on June 15.
Bruce Langer
Petrolia