5 Tips on Surviving the Marathons of Life

For some people it may seem their whole life is a marathon; one crisis after another. Others may go for a few years or a whole decade before a major crisis hits. One thing is for sure, no one experiences their entire life as a walk in the park.

We never sign up for these periods of chaos and upset in our lives, but they are inevitable. Unlike a marathon you voluntarily sign up for, there is no telling where the course will end or how far out the finish line is for a marathon of life.

2013 is turning out to be a run of uncertainty for most of my immediate family. Sometimes our courses overlap and other times we're completely on our own as various crises show up– all of which are here to teach and help us grow, but it's not always easy to remember the higher purpose of these moments.

I still manage to have a smile on my face (at least a couple times throughout the day!) and my feet keep moving, so I must be doing something right. Here's what has been working for me; hopefully you will find these tips helpful for you as well:

Tip #1: Drink LOTS of alcohol. NOT!!! Although I did have one too many glasses of wine with a girlfriend one evening. We laughed, we cried... and it was less expensive than seeing a psychologist. (See #5)

Okay... here is what I REALLY recommend: 

#1 Stay alert.  Don't close your eyes and moan and groan. When you close your eyes you miss the reasons to be happy and they are always reasons to be happy. It may be as simple as feeling the warmth of the sun on your face or a friendly hello from a stranger or the fact that you have food in your belly... those little "gifts" are like little packets of energy that will keep you going when you feel like your legs are about to give out.

#2 Bend but don't break.  Even though you may have a plan or a vision of how things are going to turn out, you have to be humble enough to accept that you don't have all of the answers. It may even mean throwing out your plan and learning as you go.

#3 Rest. Make time to get to bed at a decent time so you can get a good night's sleep. Sometimes sleep just isn't happening, in which case, Ujayi breath is a great remedy. Take naps if you can. Schedule quiet time when you can be alone and do absolutely nothing. Lie down and just be.

#4 Keep your sense of humour.  Sometimes this may require an "out of body experience"– you know... watching the situation unfold from an outsider's perspective. I've had many moments where the absurdity of the situation would have made for great sitcom material.  It's not always fun being the character, but it's funny to watch. If that isn't working for you, go watch a funny movie instead. A good belly laugh with friends will also do you some good.

#5 Get help. This time around, I decided to see a psychologist to help me keep a sense of clarity. I find talking to someone who doesn't know me or any of the people in my life is safe. She can challenge me, affirm valid feelings and provide a fresh perspective. She also draws great diagrams to explain things. I think I have a girl crush... 

Help can also come from people you know who have been through similar situations and are willing to share their wisdom. This is a primal instinct when you think about it. When we lived in tribes and clans we used to have a whole village to lean on. It takes a little more effort in modern times, but crisis can remind us of our connection to others and the common struggles we all share.

 And when all else fails... breathe.

A Change of Fate.

Do you believe in fate? I do, but probably not in the way you may think. I believe every single human life has an infinite number of possible destinies (or in more practical terms, "possible outcomes") existing in any given moment. Who we are within determines which life story we are most aligned with and will therefore experience. In other words, as long as we continue to change within, the life we will experience externally will also change. I will be turning 40 this year, yet I feel I've had many lives within those years. As I continue to change, each 'life' keeps getting better.  This is why I believe our destiny is not in the stars, but in our hands. 

Once we make a shift within and become the person that deserves a non-toxic relationship, a better job, a healthier lifestyle, etc., it will take some time before our external life can catch up and we see the results we've been waiting for. That's because the crystallized shift within will be meeting the resistance of the life we currently live. It's a storyline based on who we were before the shift, so please don't get discouraged by the mismatch.

 When your external world does start to finally shift, things are going to fall apart or rather, "disassemble" for a while so your life can rearrange. (Wink. This is experience talking) You might become sick, your marriage may fall apart, your friends may disappear... the ways life can become messy are truly endless. As painful as this process is, see it as a sign of progress– as your story (or your fate) being revised and rewritten. Try not to rush it. There is so much to learn as you navigate your way through all of the discomfort while wearing a big ol' blindfold. Instead, be still. Don't make any big movements. Grow wiser and stronger. Resist the urge to turn around and seek the comfort and familiarity of your old life. All kinds of excuses will entice you to go back to the way things were and if you succumb, the whole process will shut down and chronic internal suffering (a.k.a. Hell) will be all that you gain. Is that how you really want to live?

The final stage is redemption. All that you have waited for has arrived. No... it's more like you have arrived to all that has always been waiting for you.
Namaste.

Have a Little Faith

When you have faith, the sun is always shining.

Faith is more than "believing" in something.  It is confidence and trust mixed together. To thrive in life, we have to know we are competent and know we will follow through without fail, even if it means overcoming obstacles. We make things difficult for ourselves when we become unsure of what our strengths are and/or we neglect to hold ourselves accountable for our lack of determination. Sometimes we put too much faith in others and not enough in ourselves. A lot of the time, we lack faith in the mysteries of life; the mysteries that bring the right person, the right circumstance, the right everything so you may thrive.

The culprit of lacking faith has to do with "the plan". Having a plan isn't a bad thing, just don't develop tunnel vision around it. Like a yogi on the mat, or a ship set to sea, you have to be prepared to adapt, adjust and modify as situations arise. Some situations may slow you down, others may expose you to new and unexpected experiences. At those times when you feel lost and fear begins to set in, go to your safe place where you can release your emotions and then emerge full of faith; with confidence and trust that you AND the mysteries of life are both competent and will follow through without fail. Even if it means overcoming obstacles. 

A Shout Out to rtraction

It's been almost a month since I've left rtraction, but I feel like I've never left. I'm still gleaning the gems from working at such a dynamic organization, which is why I want to say...

Thank you rtraction
For being big on ideas
and not shying away when ideas are big
For making play just as important as work
(and making shoes optional)
For showing me that anything is possible
when you have the right people with the same vision
and that failure is okay (to a point) ...just don't give up
That social media really is social (you can't fake it)
That leadership doesn't have to be hierarchal
and organizations can give beyond a dollar amount
That each employee matters and to play to her strengths
For demonstrating the importance of adapting and adapting again
For exposing me to the unforgiving pressure of D E A D L I N E S
and to the genius of Seth Godin
To have one foot in boldness and the other in humility.
Thank you for reminding me to stay true to your craft.

Thank you rtraction
for all of this and more. 

Life Under Construction

It's not uncommon once you start a small home renovation project that it suddenly turns into something much larger than what you had in mind and your level of discomfort increases tenfold. Your intentions may have been to put in new kitchen cabinets and suddenly walls are being knocked down, new windows are being put in and you are suddenly living in a rather big mess. And that, my friends, is how life goes. 

Typically, when I initiate change, I like to take time to make sure I'm certain it is what I want, which is what I did in response to the strong inner pull I had been feeling to do something with my three passions: yoga, teaching and inspiring people. In late November, I made the decision to leave my position as client relations manager at rtraction to pursue my own venture. In December, with the blessing of my husband, I made the announcement at work. But sometimes, life has it's own idea of what change should look like.

A month before I made the decision to change careers (again) my mother, who had surgery on her back last summer and can no longer work, was put in a position of having to find a new place to live by February 1st. Being that she lived alone and was 2 hours away, I felt the best thing for her would be to move closer to me.

Christmas came and my incredibly resilient mother-in-law began to succumb to the stage IV breast cancer that had been in her body for the last 4 years.  On January 19, my mother-in-law passed away. My husband and I were with her when she took her last breath and the cancer left but a shadow of her body. My husband, whose father died five years ago and who also lost his only brother in a car accident, is now the only living member of his nuclear family.

Like everyone else who experiences the death of a loved one, we took whatever energy we had left to plan a service in less than a week. The day before the service, on January 25th, we drove to Windsor, in a snow storm to move my mother to London; a date that was planned at the end of November. We moved her things into storage and she is now settled in with us until she begins receiving disability benefits, which, fingers crossed, should be early spring.

January 29 was my last day at rtraction. On January 30, I became an entrepreneur developing her business set to launch in September.

And that my friends, is how life goes. One little flap of a butterfly wing creates an unforgiving tornado that sweeps through your life and changes everything. And do you know what I think? I think it's the BEST THING EVER. To me, it is a sign of major transformation for my husband, my mother, my children, and myself. Will life in 2013 be challenging for us? Absolutely. Will it be scary at times? Absolutely. In times like these, I like to focus on the fantastic outcomes. For when the caterpillar enters the chrysalis and everything goes black and its body turns to goo, that's when the mystery enters and we just have to trust that it will know how to rebuild us in ways even we couldn't imagine for ourselves. Yes, these are exciting times for my family. And if I pay attention, there will be gifts around every corner waiting to reveal themselves along the way. 

And while we're at it, we are going to do some home renovations. What the hell... might as well keep the momentum going!

It's Big, It's Grey... and It's Yours.

We all have something in our lives that we would call an elephant: it's that one big thing we would love to do, but make a million excuses not to do it. There's major risk involved. A lot of hard work is required; maybe more than we've ever been asked of ourselves. Do you fear the elephant?

4 years ago, I decided to leave the profession of teaching to pursue... Ha! I didn't know and to some degree I still don't! But I had enough reasons back then to make the move. Now, don't get me wrong... it took two years of consideration and uncertainty before coming to that point, but it certainly prepared me for the raised eye brows and head shaking I got when I made the announcement. "Are you nuts? Summers off, a great pension... why would you give that up?" "What about all of your education? You're just going to let that go to waste?"

What seemed like a hasty decision to others, was actually well thought out. I mean, I had two years of behind-the-scenes contemplation. The one truth I couldn't surpress was no longer being happy in my career. Too many underprivileged kids were falling through the cracks. From what I could see, education was becoming a business and children where being treated like cardboard cut-outs. I knew with every ounce of my body I needed to make a change, but I was scared as hell to do it. I worried about what other people would think. I worried about what I would "do" next, but regardless the pain pushed me out of teaching and miraculously my happiness moved me forward.

Happiness asked me "What do you REALLY love to do? What are you REALLY good at? What are YOUR gifts to share?" Then something bigger asked me "Why are you here?" That last question I'm still trying to answer in greater detail, but in general I've come to answer it as "to live in joy and to leave the earth and humanity better than when I arrived".

Now that I'm on the other side, I often look back at how much I agonized over making that decision and I always smile with relief. My life has been nothing short of amazing and it just keeps on getting better. Increased community involvement, television appearances - even co-hosting a series (that not even I could watch because I'm not a cable subscriber), meeting a multitude incredible people and working for a company that cares.

Trying to leave the earth and humanity better than when I arrived is a BIG elephant, but like the saying goes, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at time. And... in hindu tradition, Ganesh is a deity resembling an Elephant, also known as a destroyer of obstacles. If that's so, how can something be an obstacle and an obstacle remover? Looks like an opportunity to me.

Special thanks to Aaron Robb, who challenged me to write a blog post that included the words "fear the elephant".  I promised to do it if his next blog post included the words "in the babbling brook". My mission has been completed :)